What Is a Ruined Orgasm?
Some people who are interested in trying BDSM might feel a little nervous about restriction and pain, but want to have an experience with dominance and submission in the bedroom. If you’re considering trying something that is both sexually gratifying and sexually deprecating, you might be into the BDSM ruined orgasm technique.
This is when the dominant gives the submissive a ruined orgasm meaning that they get the submissive to the point of climax and orgasm, only to remove stimulation the second the orgasm begins, making the orgasm far less pleasurable than it would have been if the stimulation had continued for just a few more seconds.
It sounds like exactly what you wouldn’t want to do, but some people find it really enhances their sexual experience either as the person giving the ruined orgasm or receiving it. It is possible to have a ruined orgasm during masturbation, but typically it is the power dynamic and starts and stops the sequence of stimulus from another person that really makes this technique pleasurable. Those dominants who want to assert sexual power over their lover might find this really gratifying, and submissives who want to change up the dynamic of the typical gendered sex roles might find it really gratifying as well.
Typically, the person who is receiving the ruined orgasm is the partner with a penis. When this is the case, it shifts the paradigm of our society’s often male orgasm centered sexual norm. Other than simply being subversive, the experience of having your orgasm ruined can enhance your sexual experiences with edging and having orgasms that aren’t ruined in the future. This experience also does allow you to learn about your limits and how far your body can go.
I just mentioned edging, and this might have inspired you to wonder whether ruined orgasms are a format of edging. To that, I say, certainly not! Edging is when you bring yourself or a partner to the edge of the climax, to the point where you’re just about to have an orgasm, and then take away stimulus so that the orgasm does not happen at all.
Edging is a technique used to make the orgasm more powerful and pleasurable once it does happen, but the goal is to eventually have a fulfilling and supported orgasm once you’ve gotten close a few times. This is also sometimes a power play, but ruined orgasms take that to a different place. Instead of depriving yourself or your partner of a great orgasm and then finally getting there in the end, ruined orgasms never get to a place of extreme pleasure in the typical sense. In fact, a ruined orgasm can sometimes lead to ejaculation and no orgasm at all.
With the ruined orgasm, the orgasm begins and then fizzles out. Ejaculation may and will occur, some will call this an ejaculation only orgasm. In this case, the ejaculation is a separate entity from orgasm, it happens while the feeling of an orgasm does not. Other times, a ruined orgasm is an orgasm, but one that is not satisfying. The orgasm may happen, but the feeling will be watered down and in a sense “ruined.”
How Do You Give a Ruined Orgasm?
Start by having a conversation about your boundaries and fantasies, and come to an agreement with your partner that this is something that you would both be interested in. as, with all BDSM activities, you should have a safe word in case either of you starts to feel uncomfortable or wants to stop for any reason. A safeword is a word that wouldn’t normally be said in a sexual setting that lets your partner know you would like to stop.
It could be something like “Rubix cube” or “Pluto”. Part of the preliminary communication could talk about whether the use of ropes or physical restriction is wanted, and what kind of dirty talk is cool with both of you. Once you’ve had a good conversation, you can start the ruined orgasm with plenty of teasing.
It is typically most enjoyable when there is a lot of starting and stopping, edging if you will, that happens before the final failed orgasm. A lot of build-up for an underwhelming feeling, but if the sub really has a fetish for failed orgasms, they might have the most extreme and fulfilling orgasm of their life.
If any of this sounded like it could be fun for you and a partner, it is definitely something that could spice up your sex life and make you both feel even more longing for one another.
The power dynamic is often very tantalizing for couples because of its subversive sub. and dom. role. With enthusiastic consent and good communication, ruined orgasms could bring a lot of pleasure to your relationship.
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