How to Use Sex Toys With Partner – Try Using Toys to Heat Things Up in the Bedroom

  • Aug.16.2021
  • 3min
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use sex toys with a partner

Sex toys are a lot of fun, and while you might think that they’re mainly used for solo sessions, using toys during sex with a partner is something that no couple should miss out on. If you’ve ever heard of a couple using sex toys and completely reinvigorating their sex life, you know that it’s possible for a trip to the sex shop to totally elevate your routine. Using sex toys in bed might seem a little bit daunting or awkward at first but I promise that once you get past the hesitation you will be floating on cloud nine in no time.

How to Introduce Toys In Bed

Introducing toys in bed is the first step to unlocking your pleasure potential. If you want to introduce toys to partnered sex but you’re feeling nervous about suggesting it, there are ways to ease it into your discussion. For example, you could tell your partner they make you really horny and you’re going to use your vibrator until they arrive. When your partner responds something positive like “that’s so hot” or “I wish I was that vibrator” you may feel more comfortable with the idea of bringing sex toys to the conversation later on too.

Once they get there, you might feel more comfortable asking them to use it with you because they will have already said positive things about you using it by yourself. Another thing that you could do is have an evening where you both write down your deepest sexual fantasies, play a card game focused on intimacy and sexual exploration, or go through a list of sexual actions and activities discussing how you feel about all of them. This might sound intense but usually, people are up for it, especially when the atmosphere is supportive and curious. These kinds of activities are great not only for figuring out what sex toys to use and when but for getting to know yourself and your partner better. Make sure to keep an open heart and an open mind when talking about your potentially secret desires. Note that while you should never feel pressured to do anything your partner wants if you aren’t comfortable with it, you should make sure that they know you support them in their honesty.

Having Sex with Sex Toys

couple using sex toy

Just about any toy you can use on yourself could likely be used and maybe even improved with the help of a partner. When using a simple vibrator the obvious way to include your partner is to have your partner hold and control the toy in order to please you. This can be turned up a notch when you add the potential of penetration with fingers, stroking, penetration with other toys like a dildo or a penis, sensual touching, caressing, licking, etc. When you add more layers to the experience the pleasure only gets more and more intense.

For more creative ways of using sex toys as a couple consider integrating cock rings, butt plugs, anal beads, handcuffs, whips or nipple clamps into your partnered play. Cock rings are great because they can make for a longer and stronger erection, and if you combine it with a vibrating one it can help stimulate your partner’s clitoris or pelvic region as you go. Butt plugs are excellent for use during partnered sex because they can improve the feeling of fullness in the pelvis during penetration, and can lead to wild orgasms for some people. You can either use a butt plug while penetrating or getting stimulated if you’re a penis owner, or insert it while you get penetrated or stimulated if you are a vagina owner.

BDSM Sex Toys

introducing toys in bed

Some of the other sex toys that I mentioned previously are more often used as parts of a BDSM play or while carrying out BDSM roles during partnered sex. Handcuffs, ropes, or other methods of bondage can be used to tie up a partner while the other has control. This can be super sexy for a lot of people who enjoy bondage and power dynamics Bondage and discipline make up the B and the D of BDSM, while the D can also stand for dominance and the S for submission. Items like whips, paddles, nipple clamps, and candles for wax dripping are excellent toys for those who enjoy the sadomasochistic relationship that make up the S and the M of BDSM.

When implementing BDSM activities into your sex life you should know that a conversation needs to take place in order for the activities to be safe and pleasurable for all involved. You should talk through what you plan to do and agree on a safe word to use to stop the activity at any time. Safe words are really important for BDSM where lines get blurred surrounding pain and enjoyment. A safe word should be something like a sailboat or banana which wouldn’t be typically uttered in a sexual scenario. When someone says this safe word it signals that the activity needs to stop.

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