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Swinger Lifestyle: Life as a Swinger

  • Dec.02.2020
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how to be a swinger

Becoming a swinger means adapting to a swinger lifestyle. It can be a lot of fun as long as you do it respectfully and learn about swinger culture beforehand. Swinging, despite popular belief, is not just old married couples engaging in a spouse swap with other old married couples. So what is a swinger couple? The concepts and practices behind swinging are just as common in younger crowds, but often referred to differently than with the term “swingers.” Often younger people use terms like polyamory or open relationship.

However, being in an open or polyamorous relationship does not necessarily mean that you’re a swinger. Swinging happens when a couple goes to a party either with another couple or in pursuit of another couple to have sex with. For the purposes of this article, we will stick to the term swinger meaning that the couple is mostly monogamous except for the occasions where they seek out purely sex and not romantic relationships with other couples or individuals. Different people are in different swinger activities.

Some couples may want to enlist a single person or unicorn into their swinging activities, other couples will bring a couple they’ve selected to a swinger party and role play as if they never met. Some swingers are couples who have been married for decades and others are friends with benefits who enjoy going to sex parties together. There is something for everyone in the swinging culture if you’re interested in exploring your sexuality.

So here’s my swinger advice for all of you swinger newbies out there!

Set Boundaries

Talk to your significant other or spouse to get to know what each of you is comfortable with. In Swinger lingo, most swinging fits into two categories. There is a soft switch, where a couple is comfortable doing sexual acts with other people but not anal or vaginal sex. Hard switching is when a couple has anal or vaginal sex with other people. Sometimes you may discuss with your swinging partner that you want to do a soft switch and then later decide you want to take it further. You may never decide to take it further. You may also try something out and decide it is not for you. It’s okay to change your mind!

Your significant other might have different comfort levels than you about sleeping with other people, and that is very normal. As long as you two can talk it out and come to an agreement, it doesn’t mean you can’t go about swinging with two different ideas in mind of what will be going down later in the evening. Setting boundaries beforehand with the person you’re in a relationship with is important and so is setting boundaries or explaining your comfort level with the people you will be having casual sex with. Tell the people you’re having fun with about what you intend to do before you get there.

Types of Parties

swinger dating

Some swinger parties are very warm and intimate while others are a bit more raunchy and out there. If you’re new to swinging it might be in your best interest to start out at a more intimate and supportive party. At some parties like this, there will be time for extensive introductions and maybe ice-breaking games at the start, there will be explicit rules and there will be no tolerance for inappropriate behavior.

Consent will be vital and breaching trust will result in being kicked out. At other parties, there may be an understanding beforehand that the rules state there are no rules. Spaces like these can be sexy if that’s what you’re into and traumatic if not so really research what kind of situation you’re getting yourself into before you go ahead and RSVP that you’re attending. At any type of party it isn’t unusual for the sexual part not to happen out in the open or not to happen into late into the evening, so don’t get too concerned or give up.

Have a Conference after You Swing

It’s really important for you to have a discussion with your significant other after you have a swinging experience. Swinger dating, just like regular dating, requires communication and mutual understanding. As I said before, you are going to experience some things you simply don’t love along with the things that really get you going, so have that conversation about how you felt, why you felt that way and what you might like to do either the same or differently next time.

There are more people who participate in some kind of swinging than you may think. Studies show that around 5% of couples are not invested in traditional monogamy, but rather seek out different sexual partners while keeping the intimate and steady relationship with a primary partner.

This may seem like a small percentage, but it means 1 out of every 20 people you know who are married are definitely getting up to some extra fun on the weekends. As long as there are ample communication and commitment to making sure that each person feels understood, trusted, and listened to, it is very healthy to engage in ethical non-monogamy with your significant other.

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