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Sleeping with Your Ex after a Breakup: Should I Have Sex with My Ex?

  • Jan.18.2021
  • 4min
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ex sex is best sex

So you’ve found yourself in a situation where you want to have sex with your ex. It may come to you as a surprise that this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and could prove beneficial to both of you. However, even though it’s possible to sleep with your ex in a healthy way, it is also possible that sleeping with your ex could be very unhealthy and lead to further problems down the road. In order to figure out whether it’s a good idea or an emotionally detrimental idea to sleep with your ex, ask yourself these questions below to find out what it means to have sex with your ex and whether it’s something you can feel okay about doing or not.

Why Do I Want to Have Sex with My Ex?

Life post breaks up can be difficult and confusing. Some people want to get back on the dating horse right away, but for others, the concept of meeting new people can be daunting and disappointing. Rebound one night stands can often leave you feeling unsatisfied and unfulfilled. The breakup itself can lower your confidence and feel undesirable. Whatever the reason may be that you don’t feel confident or comfortable getting back into dating right away, sometimes it can lead you to want to get right back into your ex’s bed. If this is the case, you should figure out whether that’s a good idea or not before you follow through.

Do You Want to Get Back Together or Do You Just Want to Have Sex?

still having sex with my ex

Usually, there is a pretty damned good reason that two people break up. Post heartbreak, once we get to a stage when we would consider having sex with an ex again, we often put on a pair of rose-colored glasses when looking back at the relationship and the person we used to date. This is perfectly normal but can prevent the energy it takes to find a new partner and lead us to question whether we should have broken up or not. If you find yourself in a situation like “my ex still wants me sexually” or “I still want to have sex with my ex” it might not be a terrible idea depending on what you’re hoping to get from it.

Sex with your ex can sometimes answer the question of do I want to get back together with this person, and often the answer is no. We start to remember why the relationship didn’t work out in the first place and find a bit of closure. That is the best-case scenario in this situation. What can be difficult and possibly emotionally unhealthy is a scenario in which one partner wants to get back together and the other one doesn’t. If you know going into the sex that you don’t want a relationship with your ex and your ex wants a relationship with you it is a bad idea to get involved again and give that person false hope.

Alternatively, if you’re saying “my ex wants sex but not a relationship” is that okay with you? Are you happy to just have sex and not get back together and are you sure about that? If you’re not okay with that and are secretly hoping to get back together don’t have sex with your ex. Don’t open yourself back up to heartbreak by sleeping with an ex you still love and expecting the relationship to mend. If you’re really craving sex with an ex but you know it won’t be good for you mentally, treat yourself to that fancy sex toy that you’ve had your eye on for a while. Trust me, it is a good investment.

Are Both of You Okay with Having Sex?

If both of you are in a good headspace about why you broke up, and understand that the two of you are not going to get back together, it’s possible for the two of you to have sex and not hurt feelings. If you’re not sure whether you want to get back together, don’t give your ex false hope or expectations.

Whatever the situation, really make sure to communicate what you want and what your boundaries are with your ex. If you want to only have sex once just to have some closure, tell your ex that. Ask them what they want out of the experience and decide whether you’re okay with that and whether you feel good about the situation. The best sex with your ex happens when the both of you really understand that you’ve broken up for good reason and just want to have sex for the fun of it with no negative feelings towards the other person or intent on getting back together. If you find yourself thinking “I know we both don’t want to get back together but my ex was so good in bed” there may be a way to still sleep with your ex without any fallout.

Knowing How to Have Sex with Your Ex

sleeping with your ex after a breakup

If you’re both okay with just sex and no relationship, this could be a good way to hold onto some satisfying sex while both of you scope out the dating scene. Sometimes the kind of sex you have with a new partner is generally not so great. Your ex however could have spent years getting to know your body and what you like in the bedroom.

This could be a way to still have good sex without the relationship that comes with it. As some say, ex sex is the best sex and as long as the two of you are on the same page about it just being sex without the relationship, get that O! But don’t let that allow you to settle or talk yourself out of meeting new people just because you may be able to call up your ex for a quickie and don’t let this fool you into thinking that you’re in a relationship again. Be prepared for a day when your ex has met someone new and is no longer interested in having casual sex with you anymore. If that concept frightens you or makes you sad, reevaluate whether you’re really okay with having casual sex with your ex.

So it’s really up to you whether you feel it’s manageable and healthy to have sex with someone you’ve ended a relationship with. If you ever feel uncomfortable or like you’re doing it out of obligation, don’t continue. Don’t let anyone tell you you owe them sex and don’t have sex out of pity. It’s better to move on and let the other person move on too even if it’s hard. If you both feel you’ve moved on but are still up for a little rumble in the sheets, don’t shy away from communication! Boundaries are important and necessary for any healthy relationship whether that be a committed relationship or a casual one.

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