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How to Be Rough during Sex: A Guide for What to Do and What Not to Do during Rough Sex

  • Apr.09.2021
  • 4min
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rough sex guide

Have you ever found yourself wanting to experiment a bit more in the bedroom or wondering how to have rough sex? When it comes to figuring out how to be rough during sex, the most important parts are consent, communication, and authenticity. Take this as a rough sex guide for beginners who wish to learn how to initiate rough sex as well as some helpful and important rough sex tips.

Rough Sex for Beginners

rough sex for beginners

So what does it mean to have rough sex? Rough sex isn’t just about knowing how to do hard sex or sex that is vigorous at its core. Rough sex can be a lot of different things but usually, it fits into some category of BDSM sex whether it’s something as straightforward as hair pulling or spanking or as complicated as role-playing the scene with multiple players, storylines, and prop/toys. Things to do during rough sex can range a lot depending on what you and your partner(s) are into and there are a lot of different ways to have rough sex. You can find out about all the different ways people get into BDSM or rough sex by looking into specific porn, or online communities about BDSM and fetish sex like F-List and FetLife. In order to find out what you’re into you need to ask yourself and your partner.

Rough sex without enthusiastic consent it, not sex, it actually assaults. You can not decide to get into BDSM or rough sex on a whim without consulting your partner. Being aggressive during sex without outlining what your partner’s wants and desires are can easily become an assault. It is also important to learn how to speak to your partner about wanting to have rough sex or experiment with BDSM. If you want your partner to be rough with you, you need to tell them exactly what you’re interested in and exactly what you’re uncomfortable with. If you want to be aggressive or rough with your partner you need to ask them what they are comfortable and uncomfortable with. Consent is not a one-time contract, it is a constant agreement and enthusiasm to engage in a behavior and it can be revoked at any time.

If you think you want to do something you read about or saw in porn and then you find it really doesn’t work for you, you don’t have to continue just because you thought you would like it. Sex at the moment doesn’t always feel the way we think it will, so use phrases like “I thought I would like this but I am more interested in trying this other thing” or “Can we take a breather” if you are experimenting and something doesn’t feel as comfortable or as good as you wanted it to.

When you’re engaging in BDSM scenes or rough sex, it is a good idea if not paramount to set up a safe word in order to allow either of you to exit the scene or stop when you no longer want to continue. A safeword is an agreed-upon word that can be said at any time during a BDSM or sexual situation that signifies the scene should stop. A safeword should be something that would not really make sense in the sexual context so that it is clear that you are using a safe word and not roleplaying or involuntarily saying no. Safewords like “pineapple” or “sailboat” work really well. Even with safe words in place if you are reading the physical cues from your partner and it seems like they might not be fully enjoying themselves, you could say something like “Do you want to switch things up,” “What do you need right now” or “Would you like to take a break.” It is important to always be aware of non-verbal cues and to be sensitive and attentive to your partner especially when engaging in sex that might be rough or painful.

When you and your partner have established what you do and don’t want, you’re getting to the time when it’s appropriate to pull out some rough sex tricks that will help ease you into it. Firstly, you should take some time to think about what you want to do, what you might be interested in trying, and what you know for certain you’re not interested in doing. If you want to experiment with a trusted partner, share and compare these items with your partner and discuss where both of your desires intersect. If you are interested in having rough sex with someone you’ve recently met, even if you don’t have the kind of relationship where you can openly talk about your plans and desires when you’re not hooking up, you still need to communicate what you want to do and what you would like them to do in a way that gives you both a chance to say yes or no.

This could be saying something like “I think it would be hot if you slapped my ass and pulled my hair while you’re fucking me, does that sound hot to you?” or “I like to play with restraints sometimes, do you have any experience with that and would you be interested in trying some stuff out?”

Once all is said and done and you have explored BDSM or rough sex for yourself or with a partner(s) you should be prepared for aftercare, and check-ins. Sometimes there can be care that needs to be done after rough sex, and for some people, aftercare is the most important part of the BDSM experience. This can mean different things for different people. Some people want to be fed, to be bathed, or simply to be held and told everything is okay. Other times depending on what you get into you might need a little bit of first aid care like an ice pack or ointment. Ask your partner what they need after rough sex and tell them what you need too. Checking in on your partner’s wellbeing is important. Emotions can sometimes arise after rough sex and sometimes they can take a little while to set in, so check with yourself and your partner(s) more than once after any BDSM activities.

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