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Learn The Basics of Dirty Talk – A Beginners Guide to Talking Dirty

  • Oct.20.2021
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Basics of Dirty Talk

Although it might seem otherwise, not everyone comes into sexual maturity knowing how to talk dirty. Learning not only how to talk dirty, but how to talk dirty with confidence, is a skill that takes some patience, humility, and practice. Not everyone likes talking dirty during sex, but if you and your partner want to give it a try, this dirty talk guide may grace you with some tips on how to get it going in a way that turns you both on. Many people have fear or anxiety around dirty talking, which is truly normal and natural.

Other people find it pretty easy to slip a little bit of dirty talk in here and there, or to go all out when the moment strikes. For those who are a bit shyer, a bit quieter, in a newer relationship with unclear sexual boundaries, or in a relationship that has never broached the art of talking dirty, check out this guide for some extremely helpful dirty talk advice.

What Does Talking Dirty Mean?

Talking Dirty Mean

Contrary to the name, dirty talk doesn’t have to be ‘dirty’ to be effective or to be considered dirty talk. There are many ways to talk dirty, some of which are quite vulgar or profane, and others which are romantic, descriptive, and charming. In short, dirty talk entails speaking about your sexual desires and impulses. It could mean telling your partner what you want to do to them in the shower when they come home from work, it could mean BDSM role play where one of you degrades the other verbally, or it could be phone sex. If any of these things don’t sound appealing to you, you should take note!

One of the most important steps to dirty talk is understanding where your threshold for arousal ends, marking where some dirty talk concepts start to get a bit uncomfortable or unreliable. In order to learn how to talk dirty, we recommend that you explore some erotica, where verbalization or notation of sexual acts can give you some ideas about what turns you on and what you might like to start implementing in your sexual vocabulary. Some people find it helpful to actually write some ideas and phrases down to refer to when sexting, having phone sex, or to refer to before a bedroom session. When it comes to actually “talking the talk”, the best way to learn is by doing. If you’re still feeling unsure about the whole thing, let’s take a look at some tips for talking dirty.

Dirty Talk Help

Guide to Talking Dirty

If you find yourself thinking, “I want to talk dirty, but I don’t know how to start,” you’re not alone. Plenty of people find the biggest issue is simply getting that first dirty talk session in. You can have all of the ideas of what you want to say in your head, but the fear that it will somehow go wrong, that your partner might be turned off or uncomfortable, or that you might sound unconfident and weird, is a very understandably real fear. That’s why it is important to start slow and not to rush into the intense stuff too quickly.

When it comes to dirty talk for beginners, typically the best way to talk dirty is to slowly integrate some phrases and thoughts into your conversations and during-sex-conversation. If you’ve never been one to talk during sex before, it can feel intimidating to start, but it will be worth it. There are plenty of tamer ways to dirty talk that won’t feel so extreme or nerve-wracking to get started with. A solid rule is to describe what you’re interested in doing or what you’re doing at the moment. You don’t have to think of anything creative or outrageous, you simply have to verbalize your thoughts as they come to you.

If you’re struggling with what kind of language to use, just know that it is better to start off with the less vulgar or punchy kind of language and then graduate to the swears and dirtiest of talk when you feel like it’s a good time to go there. Instead of saying “I want to fuck your face” right off the bat, maybe say something more along the lines of “I want to feel your mouth on me.”

When starting out, it might be easier to refer to “you” or “me” instead of an isolated body part. For example, “I want to feel you inside me” sounds a lot more romantic and easier to say in the daylight than “I want to feel your dick in my pussy.” If you eventually want to get to the really dirty and vulgar stuff, you can still take some time to use more tame vocabulary until you feel things heating up a bit more.

Another important thing is to understand that there is no hard and fast rule about what will make you or your partner uncomfortable. While a lot of dirty talks is all about timing and confidence, sometimes there is a word or phrase that really turns you off no matter how or when it’s uttered.

Have a conversation with your partner, maybe after a glass of wine or on one of those nights when you pick each other’s brains about everything under the sun and ask which words turn them on and which are unbearable. This way, you can avoid saying something that kills the mood, and you’re more prepared to pull out their favorite dirty talk words whenever the time is right.

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