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How to Have a Threesome: A Threesome Guide

  • Dec.09.2020
  • 5min
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how to have a threesome

So you want to know how to do a threesome. What are some practical steps you can take to learn how to make a threesome happen? Here is some compiled information about how to make a threesome work for you and the other two people involved.

Depending on whether you’re wanting to have a threesome as a single person or as a person in a relationship, the mechanism of how to set up a threesome can differ from person to person and couple to couple. There is no best way to have a three-way. There are so many different ways and combinations of people that can have a good time with the number three. If you want to know how to get a threesome, just know the key to how to have a successful threesome is communication. Communication is the number one most important factor. Let’s take a look at how to initiate a three-way for couples v.s. single people.

If you are in a couple or relationship, you can discuss the idea of having a threesome with your partner but never assume that they will be comfortable with the idea of bringing in a third. If they don’t like the idea, do not push them to do it. There is nothing worse than having a threesome where one person feels left out or uncomfortable.

Having an initial conversation with your partner is the first step. During this conversation, you can discuss your desire to have a threesome, who you would be comfortable asking to join, and what you would be comfortable doing. Most couples who have threesomes or people who have had successful threesomes in general, set some rules beforehand to make sure that all involved are having a good time.

Some examples of rules could be maybe that no penetration is allowed with the third person, or that the third person has to be a stranger and not a close friend. These rules must also be communicated with whomever you choose to join in the fun. This leads me to the process of picking a third person. How do you choose? That will depend on your comfort level.

Some couples use dating apps to find a third person, others ask friends, and others meet a potential third at a party or social gathering and pursue them like any single person would pursue a potential hook up. If you want to just hook up, there still must be a lot of communication between you and your third partner. Whether or not you want to bring another person into your relationship or have a polyamorous or open relationship, you might find it beneficial to have a date with the person you want to have a threesome with.

Just grabbing a coffee, a meal or a drink with the person you’re wanting to sleep with will enhance your relationship outside of the bedroom, making the bedroom stuff more intimate and less awkward for the three of you. Also, be aware that something you or either of your partner may have thought they were comfortable with may change, and let your third partner and your partner know that they are free to drop out of the threesome at any time. Not all of you have to be fully engaged at all times, you can take breaks and then go back in, but you should feel like all three of you are getting equal pleasure out of the full experience.

If you feel like you aren’t getting the right amount of pleasure, focus on the other people and how you can aid in their pleasure, which may make them more likely to give in return. Not everyone can always be giving pleasure or receiving pleasure so if you’re the odd one out at certain points, that’s alright and can even be sexy for some people. Don’t be overbearing and know when stepping back is the best thing to do. In a balanced threesome, everyone will get their turn in the spotlight.

If you are a single person looking to have a threesome you could either join a couple that already exists or simply ask multiple people if they would be interested in a threeway. If you have a friend with benefits that you want to choose a third with, you could use a dating app, or simply introduce the idea to the person in a comfortable setting.

Again, never push anyone into having a threesome, and never feel pressured to have one or do anything you’re uncomfortable doing in the process. If all parties are excited by the idea, go for it and have fun. Try to make sure that everyone is involved in a way that gives them maximum pleasure. If you are feeling extra adventurous, there are also sex parties or swingers parties that you could join as a single person who simply wants to have sex with multiple partners.

What to Do If It Doesn’t Go as Planned

threesome guide

Having a threesome, while ideally is extra sexy and brings extra enjoyment, can truthfully be awkward or difficult at times and that is okay. Just like anything new, having a threesome for the first time with a new person may bring about some hiccups or unforeseen events. Just remember to keep that communication going, and not to take yourself too seriously. If a position isn’t working, try a different one. If you’re sensing someone is feeling left out, ask them what they need. Be attentive and caring about all parties involved and you should be able to work through any awkward or unplanned events.

Why Have a Threesome?

how to do a threesome

Threesomes can be incredibly sexy. Couples who like to bring in a third partner for sex would like you to know that it is not a solution to marital or relationship problems. It isn’t something that spices up a lackluster sex life, but a sign of a healthy one. Couples who are invested and turned on by the idea of another person getting their partner off enjoy the concept and act of having threesomes, or sex with additional partners involved.

Some people say having a threesome allows you to find new ways to turn on and pleasure your partner because you’re seeing how they interact with a new person and how that person interacts with them. There are different reasons for having threesomes, but they’re not a form of cheating, because most couples who consistently have threesomes have boundaries regarding sex with other people or are polyamorous and do not have a problem with their partner having sex with someone else.

If you know your partner to be very jealous, having a threesome is probably not going to have the same effect as it would if your partner was less strictly monogamous. Some couples have rules about things like kissing and cuddling, reserving these intimate acts for within the relationship, and making the threesomes they participate in all about the sex.

Other couples find kissing and cuddling to be an important thing for all parties in the threesome to take part in. If you’re not sure what others are comfortable with, check-in. If you ever find yourself uncomfortable, even if you had previously stated that something was okay, you are always within your rights to say something or ask for everyone to stop.

If you are in a couple, it is a good idea to check in with your partner after the threesome is over. Ask them how they felt about it and if there was anything they would have wanted to do differently.

Not only is it important to ask your partner how they’re feeling post threesome, but it’s also really beneficial to ask the third how they’re doing as well. You just shared a very intimate evening together, so treat them as a person and a friend, not just an object of lust and desire.

The three of you may even benefit from doing a non-sexual activity after the threesome to make sure everyone is on the same page and feeling good. Some couples will have the third partner stay overnight and cook or take them out for breakfast the next day. It is really important that both primary and tertiary partners feel respected and cared for.

So now that you have all of this information about the best way to have a threesome, I wish you the best in all of your exploration! Remember to discuss what your boundaries and fantasies are and enjoy yourself at the moment.

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