Beginners Guide to Sex: How to Have Sex for the First Time

  • Nov.07.2020
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first time sex

Here is a little guide to help you prepare for your first sexual experience. This guide includes first-time sex things to know and helpful guidance from someone who wished someone would have given them advice or tips for the first time having sex.

Beginners Guide to Sex

In sex education classes, teachers might tell you how to put a condom on, or how to label a diagram of the sexual reproductive system, but don’t go into that much detail about how to have sexual intercourse. A lot of young people today have learned most of their information about sex by watching movies or pornography. These things don’t really prepare you for the first time having sex. First-time sex is truthfully rarely anything like the sex in either movies or pornography. If you ask most people about their first-time sex experience there is a pretty high chance they will tell you it was a tad awkward, or humorous, or simply not how they expected it would turn out. Many people who learned about sex from mainstream media’s unrealistic depiction wish that they had known a little bit more about how to prepare for your first time or maybe they wished they knew what happens after sex for the first time. Don’t fret! I am going to give you some tips and shed a little light on the subject.

Here are some major topics to think about: having sex for the first time advice.

Tips for First-Time Sex: The Concept of Virginity

sex first time

You’ve definitely heard some rumors, truths, and falsities about virginity before. There are a ton of societal ideas about the proper way to lose your virginity, when in fact, as long as you and the person you’re crossing this bridge with are both feeling safe, there is no improper or incorrect way to lose your virginity. Aside from that virginity is more of an idea than a real state of being. Having sex for the first time won’t transform you or make you become a different person.

You will just be a human with one more experience that you didn’t have before. If you have never ridden a roller coaster before and then you get on a rollercoaster, you will gain something from that first ride, but neither your personality nor your value will change. This also is the case for sex. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have a plan for the first time, and I really urge you to learn and consider a few key concepts before you make that plan. You may not have the most life-changing and amazing sex the first time, but the ultimate goal is to have fun.

Just know that you don’t have to be in any specific relationship with the person you have this primary experience with, but you should have mutual trust and respect with them and you should under no circumstances ever feel pressured into having sex. Decide beforehand how far you’re wanting to go and communicate that to your first time lover or partner. Ask them about their comfort level as well. You can go as far as you want to go and can certainly ask to stop at any time. Consent is not a one time contract, you are both allowed to change your mind at any given time during a sexual encounter.

First Time Sexually Active Tips: What Constitutes Losing Your Virginity?

Again because virginity is an idea, a social construct as some would say, you can have a different definition of losing your virginity than someone else does. Sex does not look the same for all couples, and penetration is not a necessary part of sex. You are in your right to decide when you have had sex for yourself and not by society’s definitions.

If you are having penetrative sex, or sex where fluids can be exchanged, it is highly important to make a plan to protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections such as regular testing, condom usage, or dental dams. If you are having a penis entering vagina sex, plan before you do so! Figure out what protection you both will take against unplanned or unwanted pregnancy. There are many different methods of birth control, and you should do a bit of research to find which one is right for you. Remember, hormonal birth control like the pill, the patch, or an IUD will not prevent any sexually transmitted infections from spreading.

First Time Feeling: What Will Sex Feel like for the First Time?

first time having sex

So you cant know exactly what sex is going to feel like before go ahead and do it, but you can potentially get an idea of what you very well would like it to feel like if you practice a bit with yourself before you go ahead and do the deed with another human. Masturbation is a very healthy way to learn about your body, what you like, and what feels good to you.

Sex might not feel like the self-pleasure you know, but again the ultimate idea or goal is to enjoy the experience and get some good sensations going. If you know yourself well and know what you like, you’re more likely to know how to feel good sensations with another person. It is possible, or maybe even likely, that you will not orgasm the first time you have sex, and that is totally fine and normal! Sex should never be focused around “finishing,” make it about the journey and not the destination.

Many people think a girl’s first sex experience, specifically first penetrative experience, will cause bleeding and pain. This isn’t always the case. There are ways in which women can break their hymen that isn’t having intercourse, like tampon usage, physical activity, and genetic predisposition to having less hymen tissue.

If you do bleed, or have a bit of pain it is normal, but you shouldn’t be bleeding excessively or feeling a lot of pain. A lot of women may experience pain because they are nervous and not properly aroused for penetration. If this happens there may not be enough lubrication for penetration to feel good. A tip would be to start slow, and not jump into penetration right away. Warming up or “foreplay” is so important, because this is the time that you can get comfortable with the person you’re having sex with. Kissing, and embracing will bring that closeness and intimacy.

Dry humping can be extremely beneficial to get things going, even if the term isn’t exactly the sexiest. Dry humping is great because it will let you get a rhythm going and your natural instincts about what feels good and how to work with another body will kick in. If and when you do get to penetration, use a few drops of water-based lube to help get things going smoothly. In the instance of anal penetration, lube is incredibly important because the anus can not lubricate itself as the vagina can.

This is important to keep in mind whether it’s a boy’s first sex experience or girls, or gender non-conforming person. Lube is your friend! That being said don’t use the whole bottle, or there will be a lot of slipping and sliding happening. All this being said, sex can get a little messy! Keep in mind that fluids will be present, and you might need to do a little clean up afterward!

If you need help figuring out where to get condoms or lube or making a birth control plan, look up planned parenthood or other similar services in your area, and they can help you with minimal costs. If you’re at a college or university, there may be free condoms at the health center! Don’t let yourself be without a plan when there are so many free or cheap services out there.

No matter what goes down the first time you have sex, just know that you will have more opportunities to have sex in your life. Don’t worry about the first time being mind-blowing amazing, and if despite having all these plans there are still a few awkward moments, do not stress.

Your first time will probably not be like the movies or as a porn video, and that is totally okay. Do what feels right and never feel bad about having boundaries, or if someone else has boundaries, never take it personally.

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